New Thoughts for a New Year

Okay-here is the ever cliche New Year's post. I have had an internal struggle about falling into this trap for the past 4 days and have succumbed to my desire to write. Actually, it is more my desire to avoid planning for the upcoming week and a semi-useful way to spend my newly found insomnia time. Here are the lists--they are what they are.


Thankful things:
1) As much as an adjustment that my new job has been I truly enjoy it. To know that I am making a difference in a person's life is an amazing feeling. Not only am I teaching academic skills, but more importantly life skills-skills that come naturally to so many that I have to explicitly teach/show/struggle with my kids to learn. I thought I wanted to work with people with autism before this year. Now I know it is where I belong (just not necessarily in the school setting--more on that below). The people I work with are absolutely fabulous and deal with my questions effectively. They might begin to see the true/crazier Becca come out during the second semester, but I'm not making any promises.

2) I haven't had a sinus infection since October! Whooo--I finally accepted the doctor's ever forceful prodding and got stabbed 78 times to see what was keeping me from breathing. Turns out I'm allergic to life, which I already knew. *Got rid of cats *Take more medicine *Vacumm all the time *Buy special covers for my bed---This girl will not be having any of them allergy shots!

3) I'm blessed to be related to the best crazies. My family drives me nutty; however, they love me and I adore them. They have shaped me into who I am and who I am not and for that I am forever thankful.

4) At the age of 26 the majority of my friends are having babies, newly married, or about to be hitched. I've just started to realize how happy I am to do what I want, when I want, how I want. I'm crazy busy between teaching at the elementary level, teaching at JMU, coaching basketball, teaching Sunday School (gotta keep up with my kinders somehow), visiting friends near and far, and fitting in my random adventures. I know it won't last forever and while I do look forward to finding "THE ONE", sharing my life with him, having kids etc., I am cherishing my me time while it lasts. In the meantime, I'm having a good time being me and listening to my married friends rant about how lucky I am.

Wishful things:
1) I want to complete a half marathon this year. I am willing to walk however much it takes, but do want to run some. The last time I begin training I had to stop because my back flared up and my leg started having seizures again-no that's not what the doc calls it, but that's what I call uncontrollable shaking. After two years of zero running I'm hoping I can ease into a cross training program that focuses on swimming to work on cardio with a few runs per week. We'll see how long I last this time.

2) I am going to say no to people more. I'm a naturally nice person. I cannot help it. I get satisfaction through serving others. It is actually quite selfish. If asked to do something for someone else I typically say yes unless I have already said yes to someone else for that particular time slot. I end up having zero time for myself and get overwhelmed because I don't have enough alone time and then just am not happy. I will tell you no this year, or you can make it easier on me and just not ask me to do things.

3) I need to stop apologizing for things I don't have to be sorry about. Example: I just bought a new car (whooo fine-freaking-inally). Originally I was going to go with one dealer and then decided to go with another one. I felt terrible about it. So terrible that I thought up this long email of why I was sorry and how I would definitely recommend their dealership to others. I thought about sending it and then deleted it. The car salesperson has no emotional connection with me. I don't have to be sorry that I spent my money somewhere else. Example 2:When writing about saying no more I was tempted to apologize in advance for saying no. But, I don't have a reason to apologize for that either--so maybe this wishful thing is to just be more bitchy this year? I will have to work on that.


Random things:
1) I have a new love for tomatoes which I hated up until about a month ago. It wasn't a taste thing, but a texture issue. I'm over it and can't get enough!

2) My basketball team is better than yours. Hands down this is my favorite thing going on in my life right now. My girls are at the perfect age where they can understand the lingo and actually score baskets. They are also in the awkward preteen stage that is perfect for my sarcasm. Fun fact: I bribed them with an ice cream party practice tomorrow if we won our game tonight. They won. Losing is not in our vocabulary.

3) I don't have any big regrets for last year. I accomplished what I wanted to accomplish. I'm realizing that I'm never going to know what I want to do with my life. I didn't get arrested.

4) There is a 98.438% chance I'm going back to school in the fall. I have worked with people involved in behavior analysis for a few years and this year it has really become apparent that that is what I think I want to move towards as a career choice. I'm satisfied with my job right now, as I said I work with all-stars, but in the future I just don't see it. I see myself working more in a clinical or home setting. That brings me to the cross-roads of waiting until I'm completely burnt out with teaching (which would be detrimental to all involved) or going back to school and getting my degree while teaching. Then when I'm tired of teaching moving on to other things. JMU has lots of things going for it as a school I would like to continue my education at, but I'm also looking into VCU, ODU, and George Mason. The question lingers-what do I want to be when I grow up?

It's the most wonderful time of the year....until March

The dreaded time of frosted windows and numbed toes has once again happened upon my little Virginian haven. My lungs tend to vocalize my body's detest of cold weather each time I go outside. My skin lightens to its colder weather translucent hue allowing the blue blood to easily be seen working its way through the miles of veins; willing my body to keep it's 97.6 temperature. Yes, it is only November, and I may be a bit melodramatic, but this girl does not do cold. I should live in Florida or Texas. But then I would have to deal with more bugs. Bugs. Bugs are a whole different subject.

So you may ask why my favorite season isn't spring or summer--when the warmer weather comes to play. I will tell you why--it all has to do with 94 feet of polished maple floor, a 28.5 inch orange ball, and a 10 foot hoop.

This past Sunday I had a revelation as I left my first collegiate game of the season to drive to AAU practice-basketball season is HERE. For the next 4 months my life will be just a little bit happier and a whole lot busier. Between traveling 18+ hours on weekends for games, coaching 6th graders, and actually getting my monies worth from my t.v. I won't have time to get cold. Basketball is ingrained in my genes. From NBA, NCAA All-Americans, DI, DIII, highschool, and recreational players my family has seen it all. It helps that we are abnormally large, but hey I'm gonna throw it out there that there may be some skill involved too. Es posible!

 I miss the days of goofing around the outdoor hoop, spending time with my brothers, trick shots off the porch with Josh, and even chasing the ball into the poison ivy invested mountain woods.And now I share with you a poem--written a very long time ago about a boy who played a daily game in his head.

The kid walks in,

5 foot 5 with eyes a shiny blue,

Everyone looks and stares,

At his size 9 shoes.

He’s come to play,

A game of his,

Which he calls Joshie’s ball.

Then the 11 year old,

Takes on those twice as old,

Shooting threes and jumpers,

Swoosh swoosh swoosh.

Finally, he turns around,

Puts the ball beside the hoop,

Walks into his house for supper,

Smiling as always at the score,

In his mind,

55-0.

Disclaimer: He is now 6' 11". He wears a size 16 shoe. And he is 21. Other than that the kid hasn't changed a bit.

I can't wait to see Josh ball out this season on t.v. and person. I can't wait to see how my 6th graders will develop and improve their skills. Welcome hoops--without you I don't see how I could brave the winter.

And whether you are an all-star player, retired athlete,or just admire the beautiful game take some advice from the Carol: never turn down a chance to play with your kids even if they are triple your size and GO GET BUCKETS.

Kim

My dear sister,
I sit here on this Sunday evening writing this blog about you instead of planning for my college class tomorrow. If you were here you would be laughing saying "you? procrastinating? NOOOOOOOOO...do your homework!". Then instead of actually letting me do my homework we would have life conversations. Or the countless times when you sent a simple text or message saying, "hey lady...about to go get boys in bed but wanted to say hi :) praying for you lady!" 10 months. I can't believe it has been 10 months since you've been gone.

Our lives intersected because of others, but our relationship was unique from the start. Sometimes people just click, and I clicked with you. You were there with two sweet boys for me to love on whenever we went to a Josh Henderson basketball game. You were there when I was scared about my mom's cancer--when you were fighting yourself. You were there when we found out she was going to be okay--supporting us even though you knew your fight likely wouldn't end the same way. You were there when I doubted myself, when I was angry at people, when I questioned my purpose in this life. Always there, always listening and giving advice to my picayune problems when you had bigger things to worry about. You knew how easily I hide my feelings from others. Others except for you-you cut right into my emotions with your sense of humor and line of questioning.

We had so many good times at the pool, 3849543 coffee dates, hanging out at your house, the UGA/Vandy roadtrip among others. Remember when I ran a 5K with a backpack weighted down with useless items like glue? Or the awesome Race for the Cure (Click on the link to view) video your sweet boys made just for you? I was honored that you trusted me to watch your children-that you said I had a gift for working with kids.

 I haven't sipped Starbucks in 305 days, when I layed beside you on election day and cried saying goodbye.

 I have publicly and privately shed more tears than I knew I had in me-they are making another unwelcome appearance as I type this.

 I finally got that new job I always talked about. I wish you were here to listen to how different it is than I expected.

 I've seen your 3 boys hurt, suffer, and grow over the last 303 days. You would be so proud of all of them. Every time I see blue eyes I think "those eyes have NOTHING on Jackson Smith" and that makes me remember you. Every time I meet a Joshua I think of "your Josh" and "my Josh" and "LOOK IT'S JOSH HENDERSON!" and that makes me remember you. Every time Calvin posts one of your gorgeous pictures it makes me remember you and long for a love like the two of you share-true love cut short, but forever intertwined because it was built upon God's truths. I know they will be okay, but that doesn't make the healing process suck any less. (Yes I know you would be frowning at me for using the word suck in a public forum-it is the fondest of words for this situation)

We all will always miss and grieve over you, but you are part of me and so many forever. For that I am grateful. Thank you for your fingerprints on my heart and in my life. Thank you God for giving me Kim Smith.

Ch Ch Ch Changes

A few things about my new and exciting job(s) journey that starts TOMORROW!

1) People seem to think I know what I'm doing. While I do have multiple years of experience working with individuals with disabilities I struggle to label myself a specialist. Not because I don't think I know what I'm doing, but rather it makes me feel old. I cannot believe that this is my 5th year of teaching! And, yes I am aware that some of you reading this have been teaching for a lot longer than me and think I am crazy for feeling old. Too bad: it is what it is. Also, what does specialist mean anyway? It's not like I'm going to be able to use my knowledge in the field to coerce kids to do what I want. They are the ones who are ultimately going to dictate what is learned (with my guidance of course) and many times I feel like I learn more from them than they do from me.

2) On Friday I get to go on an exciting 1.5 hour bus tour of Harrisonburg. I don't know what I'm going to learn about this city that I've lived in for 8 (wow!) years, but I will be sure to keep you posted if we find a new feed plant, or hitching post for your horse and buggy.

3) JMU starts one week after Stone Spring. I had a little freak-out sesh about if I was actually qualified to teach college at the age of 25, but now I'm cool with it. I'm stoked to have the opportunity to spread awareness and knowledge about that field I am so passionate about. I have 80 students who willingly or unwillingly are going to hear my stories about the countless special people who have impacted my life. From childhood playing hide-and-seek in my uncle's restaurant with Norman, to working at camp and in the classroom, to my interactions with family members-they get to hear it all. And, it is my desire that they come away with just a little piece of the treasure that my heart holds. Because a little exposure can plant a seed, and a seed can grow into a vine, and then well you get the picture.

4) Non-job related but so job related-I moved. One of the main reasons, besides wanting to use my degree and work in special education, I changed jobs was because Clymore was so far away. Well this week I moved. I am now 5 minutes from school, 3 minutes from JMU (because my class is on the ISAT side so no Port traffic-hallelujah), and 7 minutes from the gym. I can bike and walk to places and am just happy about being centrally located. Yay for living in the community where I work. And, no I won't leave my favorite farmers alone either-you don't leave family!

Here's to doing things that scare me. Growing as a person. Trusting in God because he hasn't led me wrong yet!
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6
*I'm thankful to be blessed beyond words and am shouting his praise in my life as it is revealed before me.*

"Back to school back to school to prove to dad that I'm not a fool"

*Disclaimer: I am well aware that hebdomadal means "weekly" and I haven't posted since June aka not weekly. It's summer. I've been busy.*

My first back to school dream occurred last night. It is here! The new year is upon us!

I've been going through kindergarten withdrawal the past few weeks. As the aisles have filled with markers, glue sticks, crayons, and hand sanitizer my heart has filled with nostalgia. The excitement and nervousness of the first day will be different. I won't have 20 bright eyed-some with tears- 4 and 5 year olds ogling at their new school and "giant" teacher. (*Sidenote-one of the upcoming kindergarteners actually referred to me as "the giant" over the last two years. I can't wait to hear about the first day for her and other soon to be K kids I know.) I'm not sure what the main point of my first day will be. For the past four it has been getting students into the classroom, making sure they eat at some point, and getting them on the right bus or in the right car to go home in one piece, at least halfway happy at the end of the day.

I will miss my K team-a group of very dedicated teachers and even better friends.

They are going to need someone to pick up the comedy and the blackhole (I admittedly have organizational problems) in my room that I took with me, but I'm sure one or two can step up to the plate. They are all good sharers which is a very important kindergarten trait.

 I will miss popping across the hall to ask Kristen questions or chat even though I ended up scaring her 93% of the time because she would so engrossed preparing for her students that she wouldn't notice me coming into the room. But, as busy as she was she always entertained my conversations and for that I am thankful.

I will also miss my hundreds of lunchtime conversations with a little friend named Ann. We started at Clymore together and my next-door neighbor, planning partner, salt to my pepper teacher has been through it all with me. I'll have to find some way to mess with her through email or some other form of technology and she will have to find someone else to reach things for her when someone *probably me* put them too high on a shelf.

The one thing I will NOT miss is memorizing 20 lunch numbers and bus numbers. I tried to come up with some other things, but I just can't at this time, so I'll stop trying and know that with the mixed feelings of the unknown great things can and will come. Go forth little K stars and shine this year, you have some of the best teachers on this planet. And, to my favorite 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and 4th graders on the planet, I love you too.