I sit here on this Sunday evening writing this blog about you instead of planning for my college class tomorrow. If you were here you would be laughing saying "you? procrastinating? NOOOOOOOOO...do your homework!". Then instead of actually letting me do my homework we would have life conversations. Or the countless times when you sent a simple text or message saying, "hey lady...about to go get boys in bed but wanted to say hi :) praying for you lady!" 10 months. I can't believe it has been 10 months since you've been gone.
Our lives intersected because of others, but our relationship was unique from the start. Sometimes people just click, and I clicked with you. You were there with two sweet boys for me to love on whenever we went to a Josh Henderson basketball game. You were there when I was scared about my mom's cancer--when you were fighting yourself. You were there when we found out she was going to be okay--supporting us even though you knew your fight likely wouldn't end the same way. You were there when I doubted myself, when I was angry at people, when I questioned my purpose in this life. Always there, always listening and giving advice to my picayune problems when you had bigger things to worry about. You knew how easily I hide my feelings from others. Others except for you-you cut right into my emotions with your sense of humor and line of questioning.
We had so many good times at the pool, 3849543 coffee dates, hanging out at your house, the UGA/Vandy roadtrip among others. Remember when I ran a 5K with a backpack weighted down with useless items like glue? Or the awesome Race for the Cure (Click on the link to view) video your sweet boys made just for you? I was honored that you trusted me to watch your children-that you said I had a gift for working with kids.
I haven't sipped Starbucks in 305 days, when I layed beside you on election day and cried saying goodbye.
I have publicly and privately shed more tears than I knew I had in me-they are making another unwelcome appearance as I type this.
I finally got that new job I always talked about. I wish you were here to listen to how different it is than I expected.
I've seen your 3 boys hurt, suffer, and grow over the last 303 days. You would be so proud of all of them. Every time I see blue eyes I think "those eyes have NOTHING on Jackson Smith" and that makes me remember you. Every time I meet a Joshua I think of "your Josh" and "my Josh" and "LOOK IT'S JOSH HENDERSON!" and that makes me remember you. Every time Calvin posts one of your gorgeous pictures it makes me remember you and long for a love like the two of you share-true love cut short, but forever intertwined because it was built upon God's truths. I know they will be okay, but that doesn't make the healing process suck any less. (Yes I know you would be frowning at me for using the word suck in a public forum-it is the fondest of words for this situation)
We all will always miss and grieve over you, but you are part of me and so many forever. For that I am grateful. Thank you for your fingerprints on my heart and in my life. Thank you God for giving me Kim Smith.
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