Little Things

"Sometimes,' said Pooh, ' the smallest things take up the most room in your heart." --A.A. Milne

November is known for being a thankful month. This November has tried it's best to not be a very thankful time for me. I have struggled with gut-wrenching pain. I've experienced the return of panic attacks-panic attacks that once were a serious detriment to my functionality. I cry without prompting. I'm moody and not very fun to be around--at least I don't feel fun.

While reading this morning a passage caught my attention, " To protect your thankfulness, you must remember that you reside in a fallen world, where blessings and sorrows intermingle freely. A constant focus on adversity defeats many Christians. They walk through a day that is brimming with beauty and brightness, seeing only the grayness of their thoughts. Neglecting the practice of giving thanks has darkened their minds. How precious are those who remember to give thanks at all times. They can walk through the darkest days with joy in their hearts because they know the light of His presence is still shining on them. Rejoice in this day that He has made-your steadfast companion." Jesus Calling

I am not saying I shouldn't be grieving over the loss of a close friend. There is nothing wrong with grief. However, I do realize that my life is continuing and that I can and should use dear Kim's impact on my life as part of my life testimony. I went through today looking for bright spots. Friends let me tell you, in this broken world there is awe-inspiring, jaw dropping beauty.

*baby leaves perfectly symmetrical plastered on my windshield from the rain.
*Two pretty labs a yellow and a black waiting patiently for me to open my door every morning just so they can greet me with their tail wags, lolling tongues, and smiles.
*a gorgeous sunrise that leads me to work almost every morning with goldenrod streaks (this was absent today because of the rain and I was surprised how much I missed it)
*19 smiling faces greeting me with anticipation wanting to know what I am going to do to help them expand their minds each day
*19 small people unknowingly changing my life daily through lessons on patience, grace, and humility
*cymbals, rhythm sticks, a recorder, jingle bells, triangles, and tambourines tarnished and bent to show how they have been loved on through the years.
*An impromptu center-time parade led by one of the quietest kids in the class. It's amazing how music and imagination open the door to adventure and courage.
*Singing Christmas carols in both Spanish and English with my after-school kids. Our pageant is this Friday and they have worked so hard to prepare.
*The Spanish language in general.
*My tears as they now come because as a quote I recently read says "There is a sacredness in tears. They are not marks of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love"--W. Irving.

Love. is. the. most. beautiful. of. all.