Kim

My dear sister,
I sit here on this Sunday evening writing this blog about you instead of planning for my college class tomorrow. If you were here you would be laughing saying "you? procrastinating? NOOOOOOOOO...do your homework!". Then instead of actually letting me do my homework we would have life conversations. Or the countless times when you sent a simple text or message saying, "hey lady...about to go get boys in bed but wanted to say hi :) praying for you lady!" 10 months. I can't believe it has been 10 months since you've been gone.

Our lives intersected because of others, but our relationship was unique from the start. Sometimes people just click, and I clicked with you. You were there with two sweet boys for me to love on whenever we went to a Josh Henderson basketball game. You were there when I was scared about my mom's cancer--when you were fighting yourself. You were there when we found out she was going to be okay--supporting us even though you knew your fight likely wouldn't end the same way. You were there when I doubted myself, when I was angry at people, when I questioned my purpose in this life. Always there, always listening and giving advice to my picayune problems when you had bigger things to worry about. You knew how easily I hide my feelings from others. Others except for you-you cut right into my emotions with your sense of humor and line of questioning.

We had so many good times at the pool, 3849543 coffee dates, hanging out at your house, the UGA/Vandy roadtrip among others. Remember when I ran a 5K with a backpack weighted down with useless items like glue? Or the awesome Race for the Cure (Click on the link to view) video your sweet boys made just for you? I was honored that you trusted me to watch your children-that you said I had a gift for working with kids.

 I haven't sipped Starbucks in 305 days, when I layed beside you on election day and cried saying goodbye.

 I have publicly and privately shed more tears than I knew I had in me-they are making another unwelcome appearance as I type this.

 I finally got that new job I always talked about. I wish you were here to listen to how different it is than I expected.

 I've seen your 3 boys hurt, suffer, and grow over the last 303 days. You would be so proud of all of them. Every time I see blue eyes I think "those eyes have NOTHING on Jackson Smith" and that makes me remember you. Every time I meet a Joshua I think of "your Josh" and "my Josh" and "LOOK IT'S JOSH HENDERSON!" and that makes me remember you. Every time Calvin posts one of your gorgeous pictures it makes me remember you and long for a love like the two of you share-true love cut short, but forever intertwined because it was built upon God's truths. I know they will be okay, but that doesn't make the healing process suck any less. (Yes I know you would be frowning at me for using the word suck in a public forum-it is the fondest of words for this situation)

We all will always miss and grieve over you, but you are part of me and so many forever. For that I am grateful. Thank you for your fingerprints on my heart and in my life. Thank you God for giving me Kim Smith.

Ch Ch Ch Changes

A few things about my new and exciting job(s) journey that starts TOMORROW!

1) People seem to think I know what I'm doing. While I do have multiple years of experience working with individuals with disabilities I struggle to label myself a specialist. Not because I don't think I know what I'm doing, but rather it makes me feel old. I cannot believe that this is my 5th year of teaching! And, yes I am aware that some of you reading this have been teaching for a lot longer than me and think I am crazy for feeling old. Too bad: it is what it is. Also, what does specialist mean anyway? It's not like I'm going to be able to use my knowledge in the field to coerce kids to do what I want. They are the ones who are ultimately going to dictate what is learned (with my guidance of course) and many times I feel like I learn more from them than they do from me.

2) On Friday I get to go on an exciting 1.5 hour bus tour of Harrisonburg. I don't know what I'm going to learn about this city that I've lived in for 8 (wow!) years, but I will be sure to keep you posted if we find a new feed plant, or hitching post for your horse and buggy.

3) JMU starts one week after Stone Spring. I had a little freak-out sesh about if I was actually qualified to teach college at the age of 25, but now I'm cool with it. I'm stoked to have the opportunity to spread awareness and knowledge about that field I am so passionate about. I have 80 students who willingly or unwillingly are going to hear my stories about the countless special people who have impacted my life. From childhood playing hide-and-seek in my uncle's restaurant with Norman, to working at camp and in the classroom, to my interactions with family members-they get to hear it all. And, it is my desire that they come away with just a little piece of the treasure that my heart holds. Because a little exposure can plant a seed, and a seed can grow into a vine, and then well you get the picture.

4) Non-job related but so job related-I moved. One of the main reasons, besides wanting to use my degree and work in special education, I changed jobs was because Clymore was so far away. Well this week I moved. I am now 5 minutes from school, 3 minutes from JMU (because my class is on the ISAT side so no Port traffic-hallelujah), and 7 minutes from the gym. I can bike and walk to places and am just happy about being centrally located. Yay for living in the community where I work. And, no I won't leave my favorite farmers alone either-you don't leave family!

Here's to doing things that scare me. Growing as a person. Trusting in God because he hasn't led me wrong yet!
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6
*I'm thankful to be blessed beyond words and am shouting his praise in my life as it is revealed before me.*

"Back to school back to school to prove to dad that I'm not a fool"

*Disclaimer: I am well aware that hebdomadal means "weekly" and I haven't posted since June aka not weekly. It's summer. I've been busy.*

My first back to school dream occurred last night. It is here! The new year is upon us!

I've been going through kindergarten withdrawal the past few weeks. As the aisles have filled with markers, glue sticks, crayons, and hand sanitizer my heart has filled with nostalgia. The excitement and nervousness of the first day will be different. I won't have 20 bright eyed-some with tears- 4 and 5 year olds ogling at their new school and "giant" teacher. (*Sidenote-one of the upcoming kindergarteners actually referred to me as "the giant" over the last two years. I can't wait to hear about the first day for her and other soon to be K kids I know.) I'm not sure what the main point of my first day will be. For the past four it has been getting students into the classroom, making sure they eat at some point, and getting them on the right bus or in the right car to go home in one piece, at least halfway happy at the end of the day.

I will miss my K team-a group of very dedicated teachers and even better friends.

They are going to need someone to pick up the comedy and the blackhole (I admittedly have organizational problems) in my room that I took with me, but I'm sure one or two can step up to the plate. They are all good sharers which is a very important kindergarten trait.

 I will miss popping across the hall to ask Kristen questions or chat even though I ended up scaring her 93% of the time because she would so engrossed preparing for her students that she wouldn't notice me coming into the room. But, as busy as she was she always entertained my conversations and for that I am thankful.

I will also miss my hundreds of lunchtime conversations with a little friend named Ann. We started at Clymore together and my next-door neighbor, planning partner, salt to my pepper teacher has been through it all with me. I'll have to find some way to mess with her through email or some other form of technology and she will have to find someone else to reach things for her when someone *probably me* put them too high on a shelf.

The one thing I will NOT miss is memorizing 20 lunch numbers and bus numbers. I tried to come up with some other things, but I just can't at this time, so I'll stop trying and know that with the mixed feelings of the unknown great things can and will come. Go forth little K stars and shine this year, you have some of the best teachers on this planet. And, to my favorite 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and 4th graders on the planet, I love you too.

Farm Life

10 things I've learned while living on a farm

1) There are many unique smells that have helped my nose along in its maturity-cows, skunked dog blankets, calf milk, rhubarb pudding, deceased mice (and other miscellaneous vermin) in my walls, the garden, the cherry tree blooming outside my window, and good old fresh dirt.

2) Raw milk, homegrown eggs, beef, fruits, and veggies really do taste better. Whenever I leave this place I will do my best, even if it means paying more, to continue eating local food. My taste-buds have been spoiled!

3) Farming is hard work. Not only does it take immense physical strength, there is also an ever-present  emotional pull between family and work. Farming isn't a one or two person job it envelops the entire family. Farmers are on call 24 hours a day 365 days a year. Vacations are extremely rare and difficult to take. Whether its Cory or Dennis working, the kids having a special event that is missed, or the wife resorting to watching her shows by her lonesome (shoutout to you Beth!) everyone in the family has to sacrifice.

4) Even if you aren't a biological part of the family you will be adopted and given some task to complete. The familial atmosphere of the farm helps it run smoothly. I can say that my cow herding, gun shooting, calf feeding, kitten finding, barn climbing, kid watching, 4-wheeler driving, and car towing skills have improved since moving here.

5) With all of the hard work and sacrifice that is put into a farm the people who are doing the work see very little money. Running a farm where you are creating food and milk that isn't poison is becoming increasingly difficult. Do some research and you will find out all kinds of things you didn't want to know about regulation loopholes in this country. Safe food costs more money to make; therefore, you may have to pay a little more for it. Stop being stingy.

6) Speaking of feeding calves and unique smells I cannot stand the calf milk powder. I'm the only person that it bothers around here--yes me with the strong stomach, but that stuff whew, ick. It smells like a milky cake mix but the powder tickles my nose and throat and if you ever get the chance to see me around it I will be struggling. I would rather give up the easiest job on the farm and scrape poop instead.

7) If you ever need a cat a farm is a perfect place for you.

8) Geese are mean. They are mean because a certain farmer steals their delicious eggs from their nests. Geese will hiss, charge, and bite you. Just trust me. Stay away.

9) There are many types of transportation on a farm. From 4-wheeler to trampoline to tractor to 18 wheeler if you need to get somewhere or move something not only can it be done, but done in style.

10) Mice, ants, birds flying in through my chimney and around my head at 6 in the morning (don't worry that problem is fixed now), and even geese included I love this place. It is my home. I live with people who are dear to my heart and have a new founded respect for those who grow my food.

P.S. I'm still waiting for the old orders to accept me and invite me on a horse and buggy ride. I would even wear a skirt that covers my ankles.

This is a new year. A new beginning. And things will change.

I have mixed feelings about this post. I am ecstatic because one of my dreams is coming true. I have a special place deep rooted within for individuals with special needs (especially autism) that I can't fully explain and others can't fully understand unless they too have it.

I am also deep-down-in-the-dumps-depressed. *Sad because I will be leaving everything I know in the teaching world-from student teaching my school has molded and supported me. *Desperate because I know I won't see many of my students and former students ever again. I want so badly to see them continue to grow and bloom into who they will be. *Devastated because I am passing up an awesome opportunity to take over the jv basketball program at the high school across the street. *Guilty because I feel I am letting my K team down.

Teaching is a work of the heart. Unlike so many other professions it is impossible not to become emotionally attached to those you pour so much of yourself into. I know everything I'm feeling is normal. And, I also know that as the school year wraps up and the summer begins I will place Clymore in a special compartment of my heart right next to the core. I will take so many experiences and friendships and cherish them forever. Words certainly cannot express how grateful I am for the K and 3rd grade teams that I have worked with, as well as the many related service providers and special education staff who have been an integral part of my room for the last 3 years. When I am having a rough day, which I'm afraid may happen often in the future (fear of the unknown) I will pull memories from that spot and remember those who taught me, had faith in me, told me when I was wrong--using the strength and words of my friends to get through whatever comes my way, if only until the next day.

I have accepted a position in Harrisonburg City for next year as a special education teacher. The position is new so I don't have a lot of details, but I do know that I will be working with students who have high-functioning autism. This means I will have my own classroom; however, my students will also go into the general education setting some so I will be co-teaching with teachers in multiple grade levels. This school is part of the Shenandoah Valley Regional Program for Special Education-students from Augusta, Harrisonburg, Page Co, Rockingham Co, Shenandoah Co, and Staunton can come to this school. In addition it is a K-4 school serving students in Harrisonburg City. Students with and without disabilities making progress together. The climate of the school is warm and inviting and the administration seems superb.

So, as difficult as it is to leave my little comfort bubble I'm ready to work 2 minutes from my gym, 5 minutes from JMU, and 13 minutes from my apartment. I'm ready to use the skills I gained at JMU to help students learn. I'm ready to be the change I want to see in the world. As I have "talk-texted" friends to tell them about this new opportunity I know there's no coincidence that each time I say "autism class" it auto corrects to awesome class.
Excited.Terrified.Moving Forward. Being an Eagle. Making A Difference.